IRAN HAS A DEATH STAR!

Iran has done the unthinkable. On Monday, Tehran unexpectedly announced its willingness to close the Strait of Hormuz in order to wreak havoc on oil-dependant powers. It backed up its statement with the claim that it now possesses a weapon even more powerful than its dreaded Photoshop missiles: the Death Crescent.

Actually, the Iranians did not say what the secret weapon was, only that they had it. We are convinced it is a battle station capable of destroying entire planets.

However, it is unlikely that the Death Crescent will be used against the West, as it is currently occupied with executing female Iranian citizens accused of sneezing in public. Also, General Mohammad Ali Jafari, head of the Revolutionary Guards, has described the mystery weapon as "unique in the world" - which we believe to mean that it is built from an Erector Set.

The Iranian statements came after the Islamic Republic ignored a Saturday deadline for it to cease the expansion of its uranium enrichment program. In response, the US has called for further UN sanctions to be put in place.